After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
