Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
