Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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