Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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