my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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