I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
