dude i'm inner monologue high
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Randomize
