Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just pee around me
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
