last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
handjob tips. give me some.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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