who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
