From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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