i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
