he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize