You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
