I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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