Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
