The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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