Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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