Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
