shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
