If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
