Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
