Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
