I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
