I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
