Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just made out with a guy for $7.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
