So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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