Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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