I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
being pregnant is like rehab
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize