My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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