you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
