you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
