we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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