just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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