I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize