Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
