Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
