Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize