you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
