i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
