I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
