Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
