That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
vagina is talking i cant
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
