I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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