I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It's Friday. Sex?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize