how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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