i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
