I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
