mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
