just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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