Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize