I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
