new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
