I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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