Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
