She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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