I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
