I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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