Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
