Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
