please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
