At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
