my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize