thus making me awesome and them whores
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize