Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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