i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
