I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
