Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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