I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
