From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
