hotel room ftw
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
