Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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