i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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