she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
