if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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