she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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