You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's official drugs can't kill me
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
