I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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