FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
