Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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