I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
