Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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