even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
