I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
A bitchslap is in order.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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