the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
