What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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