please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
