so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
