New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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