As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
