i wish starbucks made bloody marys
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
