nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
