did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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