i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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