His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
