My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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