Your dad touched me again.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
