Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
