Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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