FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
